U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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