i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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