..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
