well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
