you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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