My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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