I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soap is not a condiment
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
