Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
