Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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