is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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