god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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