First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
