My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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