Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
