Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
