I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
