4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
