he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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