dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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