we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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