We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize