I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
