I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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