Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
