Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
