you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
