you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize