You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
