I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
