Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
