Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
