mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
