pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
