Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
