my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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