Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
