He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
