i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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