So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
