drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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