ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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