jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
