He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
