I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
