just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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