I think im going to throw up on grandma
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
