My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i now understand why vodka
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
