Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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