Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
