Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
