Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The power of my boobs compel you
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
