I skipped work to stalk him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
