There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
A+ Viking dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
