How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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