Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
