I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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