how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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