my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
