I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
