she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
