Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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