I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We are all done wearing pants today
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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