rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
