I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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