Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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