I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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