Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
