So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
