His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
