i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
