so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
