i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
