but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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