Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
