If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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