i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
