HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
