Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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