True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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