How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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