Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
