Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
