my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
