he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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