What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
