Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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