The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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