how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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