hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
