I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she told me i tasted like america
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
