Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
