my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
