She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
