Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
