Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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