I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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