I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
