I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
