is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
