Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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