Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize