By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
