I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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