Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
