Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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