not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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