we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize