when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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