so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We have started to decorate penises.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Panties = found
Randomize
