At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
