Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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