I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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