Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
